Microsoft Do a 360
Something bad is about to happen. Something even worse than the massive turd that was Kinect Star Wars.
Our sources have revealed that the re-emerging ‘family sharing’ is actually more literal that one would have initially thought.
Despite the original ‘family sharing’ being about awkwardly sharing games that others can’t be fucking bothered to buy, the updated version is actually a way Microsoft get to legally share your family with others.
After 24 hours notice, Microsoft are permitted to legally enter your home and share your family with anyone else. You could also be taken to an undisclosed location and shared with a family under the same scheme.
The dramatic change in the term comes from a loophole in the terms and conditions of the latest Xbox Live terms and conditions. Section 428, paragraph 5 states:
“Any online petition which urges us, Microsoft, to redeem features on our latest console, Xbox One, that were previously scrapped. This legal declaration permits us to translate the feature into the literal meaning of the word, such as: Family sharing – permission to share your family with others, giving a mandatory 24 hours notice.”
“Always-on (including 24 hour check in) – a console which, no matter what, will not switch off. Ever. A requirement of a 24 hour registration at a Microsoft check point, is also mandatory with every Xbox One purchase.”
“Smart Glass – Some really fucking cool looking glass, in the shape of Don Mattrick’s ball sack. $699 with a $15.99 monthly subscription.”
The chances you end up with a family with either ties to organised crime or an over zealous, sweaty uncle, is devastatingly high. Yet it’s a chance Microsoft is willing to accept. They issued the following statement.
“We have a console for those not wanting to share their families. It’s called the Xbox 360”