All sources are anonymous.

Secret DualShock 4 Secrets

It’s a common opinion that Sony’s DualShock 3 was as comfy as holding a house brick with vibrating nails sticking out of it. After a while, arthritis set in and it’s a known fact that the world’s first hand transplant was performed on a DualShock 3 victim.

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The transplant failed to take, however, as the user went straight back to the controller, with little regard for the healing period. He was found dead, four years later, his hand having grown around the pad itself. It had essentially assimilated him, feeding his DNA code straight to Sony HQ.

His body was buried at sea and the files were closed for eternity.

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With Sony taking this feedback seriously, our sources have confirmed a number of key facts surrounding the DualShock 4’s composition:

  • Overall, it’s made to feel as comforting as nuzzling your mothers breast, suckling for milk, as a young infant. The grips themselves are known to have made developers weep with joy. One description heralded them as ‘like handling the penis of God’.
  • It’s black.
  • It has a light on it.
  • It’s shaped like a motherfucking spaceship.

And finally, as a pre-order incentive, Sony are willing to weld a controller to the palm of your hand, lest you ever decide to throw it at a wall. You heard it here first: God’s penis, attached to your hand.

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By @Budgecore7

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