Guess who’s back, back again, Visceral’s back, tell a friend!
Although being absent for quite some time, a trembling in the force has awoken us from our masturbation induced coma. Don’t worry, we’ve washed our hands.
Before we go any further, and in the interest of transparency, please read the following disclaimer:
Visceral Video Games fully accepts bribes, free merchandise, sexual favours and beer in exchange for both coverage and favourable review scores.
With that out the way, lets move onto #GamerGate:
When information recently leaked online about game journalists being balls deep in games developers, it appears to have given birth to #GamerGate, like some sort of ironic love child.
Rather than being content with merely suckling at the teat, this bastard spawn has developed and mutated at an alarming rate, leaving a trail of destruction in it’s nappy.
Questions about ethics have been raised, conspiracy theories formed and witch hunts started. Some have suggested the whole thing is little more than a platform from which to hurl abuse at women, where as others feel there are legitimate issues being raised about the games industry.
Here at VVG it’s very hard for us to comment, mainly due to our reluctance to care. We’re still hurting from that one time the cake was a lie.
We like cake.
It’s tough at the top and even harder staying there. Being one of the most successful gaming franchises comes at a cost – you’re under constant pressure to innovate as with each new iteration, the fans expect bigger and better.
When it comes to product launches, the Call of Duty series has already set the bar very high for itself. We’ve already seen elaborate versions of the game that come packed with all manner of game themed crap, ranging from free SAS DVDs, night vision goggles and even a remote control quad-rotor. Taking it to the next level, Activision have announced that the collectors edition of Call of Duty ghosts – a game that uniquely features dog themed missions – will come shipped with an Alsatian puppy!
Due for release this Christmas, the “For Life Edition” comes shipped with one pedigree puppy, an exclusive artwork book and a free download of fucking nuke town. It’s exciting news, but has put added pressure on retailers. We spoke with GAME about some of the challenges they faced.
“Having puppies out the back of the store is problematic enough, there’s shit everywhere” said Phil McCavity from GAMES Edinburgh store, who continued “but it’s the online store where we’re really facing concerns. We’ve been doing some dry runs in preparation and, despite bubble wrapping them up tight, 2 out of 3 dogs are still turning up dead”
Activision themselves are also facing possible legal action from the RSPCA who have not only condemned the move but are also investigating reports of “Alsation sex camps” where mass breeding is allegedly taking place to meet the release day demand.
Let us know your thoughts on the matter in the comments section below.
The secret to being amazing at business (and in bed) is to know what your customer wants. If you’re in the midst of foreplay and your partner seems receptive when you rub their balls, you need to take that information and capitalise on it. Rub those mothefuckers like you’re trying to summon a genie. It’s simple supply and demand!
It’s with this mindset that Activision have announced “The Dawg House DLC”. After their E3 presentation of Ghosts, it was quite clear to Activision that canines are the future for Call of Duty series. This first DLC is set to feature all new dog missions, with bonus playable characters such as Snoopy, Scooby Doo, Snoop Doggy Dog, and even a cameo by the Andrex puppy. Along with new single-player missions, there will be some all new exclusive multiplayer modes such as ‘Capture The Bone’ and ‘King of The Sofa’.
So what do you think of this news? Do you think it will be the dog’s bollocks – are Activision barking mad, or are you simply more of a cat person? Let us know in the comments below.
A new trailer for Mad Max the game featuring, who we assume is Mad Mark – because he looks fuck all like Mad Max – has been released today.
Based on the trailer, we here at VVG have a theory: playing as Mad Mark, you set out into the sun-baked desert on quest to find your long lost brother Max. Due to Mark being a substantially less bad-ass name than Max, you ultimately fail miserably in your quest. This is why Mad Mark is never featured in any of the films, he’s too much of a good-ass.
It’s either that or Avalanche studios couldn’t secure the rights to Mel Gibson’s face.
If you’ve not already seen it, checkout the new trailer here:
After watching the trailer, we asked an industry analyst with over 20 years experience for their profession evaluation:
“It’s gonna’ be shit,” he said.