Microsoft has apparently reacted to recent criticism by sensationally scrapping the Xbox One in favour of a radical redesign.
“The Xbox One was great on paper, but we wanted to give the community something better,” our source revealed. “Our Number Twos will take your breath away. These things really are next-gen shit.”
When asked for specifics, he went on: “Fifty percent more graphics? Seventy-five percent more sound? A hundred percent more voice controls? That makes them at least two hundred times better. Probably three hundred times.”
“And, unlike our competitors, we won’t charge for playing online. Instead we’re shifting to a system called Premium Persistence – you only pay to save your game. It’s that simple. If you don’t want to pay – just play until you’re done and switch off! Simple.”
When pushed, our contact also admitted the following: “Ok, yeah, due to piracy we might have to charge to load games at some point. But we won’t do that until we feel like we can get away with it. And I can confirm there are no current plans for charges to access your messages. Just saving, and changing your password. And logging in.”
Asked about whether they expected a backlash similar to the recent DRM furore, the insider went on to say, “Look, it was wrong to say ‘Just deal with it’. We admit that. So we dealt with it. And I’d like to add that the One was a big deal but our adoring public wanted a better deal. Well our Number Twos are the real deal.”
We wanted to know what the die-hard Microsoft fans had thought of the U-turn: “They know we had the greatest gaming hardware in the past. Remember the riots when the 360 was released? Well that was nothing – wait until you see what happens when Number Two hits the fans!”